VOX on : I tried talking, it seemed to work, all through my teenage years, and into adult hood, I spoke often, but I didn’t speak. It was not megaphonic, it was headphonic. Like the tinny sound in the little ear buds on wires long and white and now elegantly defined as style in an iPod. Even my meagre words “I do” when I married, were not said loud and clear like I loved, which I did, but it didn’t sound anything but like an itune in an earbud. I continually tried to talk, but didn’t like the sound. It didn’t sound like the me I didn’t know yet.
VOX off: I tried silence, it seemed to work, knowing that the world would continue to spin ok, while I silently watched it, and listened intently for a place in which I could work silently carefully, waiting for a chance moment of fun to come. Fun if it came would be fortunate and lucky. The chance of meeting people I could always chance on meeting people and I played a silent game of chance – drifting in the wind of voices not my own – hoping not to land on a rocky sharp oyster, or get mauled by a shark, or get attacked by crazy people.
VOX on : I tried speaking, it seemed to work, I had something to speak, easy like a dream, no power, no force, no action resultant, an obvious conclusion, even I didn’t believe presenting two sides of both arguments simultaneously, as though I on the one hand and the other had not decided you which side to take. Like lukewarm washing up water, ok water, but not clear or of any importance.
VOX off: I tried emails, it seemed to work, I could type faster than anyone, and being translocated in Oz, out of time and space with the recipients it was convenient, and I could always sit back on the nice little magnetic electronic records of my meagre thoughts derived in response to the winds again. Again the winds of other voices, cast ridiculously in email form for to claim a right to do bugger all.
VOX on: I tried conference calls, it seemed to work, I could call up many people who would dial in and I could speak apparently and tell people what I thought, since my thinking and figuring was better than any others could possibly have ever been of course. Why would I ever have to listen. but people argued and lost their temper on calls, the disconnection of emotion and the lack of body language and other useful visual cues, and the imbalance of a lone voice talking to a group scattered round a table, laughing at the speaker phone uselessly transmitting a tiny earbud voice of insignificance, still proved how dumb it all was for those with no sight, no mind to share no heart to listen.
VOX off: I tried webex, it seemed to work, I could wrap up my thoughts in points of power, and then transmit down wires of speed to screens of light scattered around the world at night. And talk to the points, one by one, while their attention was garnered between glasses of water on tables so far away. In the morning after the night before would be emails again, showing almost no comprehension of anything that passed the night earlier.
VOX on: I learnt about voice, I had a great teacher, Shannon Dolan, she taught me about voice, I never heard of it before, till she told me what I was using was just a shadow of a voice, not a voice but an earbud of a thing, so now I learnt more about a voice. A voice is what people want to hear. Something higher and more powerful than talking or speaking, something strong and understanding of its own position, something inclusive of ideas, which defines a framework for inclusion by the listener, which give space by its loudness, which does not interrupt but listens., but when activated causes action by all. Like the great actors, who have voice, the great orators, whose voice echoes still, if you have a voice, it is a gift you can use to bind people to action they believe in, it is a great gift and we all have one somewhere. We must practice its use, whether in whispering like a hummingbird, or laughing like a kookaburra, and make it nice for people to listen too, full of warmth and friendship, with strength of purpose. One purpose not two, one committed side of the argument, not both, and ditch emails, conference calls, and other kinds of pretend we use.